This morning, during that routine, I got thinking. The way one looks at a person makes a world of a difference. For example, seeing a person as a spouse and loving that same person is entirely different.
When a person is a spouse, there are expectations. Got to be this tall or that pretty. Got to measure up. Got to be successful. Doesn’t snore and throw out the rubbish. Works a full time job and still cooks dinner, washes the dishes too. Afford a maid and the holidays twice a year as well.
Being a spouse exposes one to all sorts of dangers. And limitations as well. Not to forget the rules of behavior, unilateral rules naturally. Every misstep is glared at and toted up in that mental book that never gets erased. You may not see it but it’s there.
To love someone is entirely different. Nothing has changed, at least on the outside. The love of our life still snores the same way and the rubbish is still feeding the cockroaches and the ants. To love someone makes us see all the sweet and wonderful things about them. We see their kindness, their concern for us, their love. They are angels and their light glows every time we bring them to mind.
When we love someone, we want the best for them. For to us, they are the most delicate thing in the world. We fear for them, we want to protect them. We feel their every hurt and our hearts break when they are in pain. We will give everything and anything to take their pain away. We want them to be happy.
I think that when someone becomes a spouse, there is this ‘taking’. When we love someone, we ‘give’. There lies the difference. And to give is to love. And vice versa. And I believe this same thinking applies to whether a child is a naughty incorrigible rascal or … is that an old troublesome grumble or the mother who nursed to what we are today?
